What to wear?? What to wear?

You know guys have it great. They can pack for trips in no time at all. They need a pair of jeans, a pair of Khaki's ( or something like that), a button down shirt, golf shirt or tee shirt, a couple of pairs of underpants, socks, shoes, a light jacket and maybe sneaks. With that assortment they can go and do almost anything. Yes, of course they need their toiletries, (what? deodorant, a razor, toothbrush and toothpaste? Big whoop...) but they can get along with these few things and be away for a week or two.

Women on the other hand have a bit more difficulty. Now don't get all worked up and tell me:
1. That I don't know how to pack.
2. That I don't need so much stuff.
3. That I don't need all those shoes...

Let me explain what I, and many of my friends who have discussed this with me at length, say about this topic. We women have to wear things that are comfortable but at the same time these items must conform with the culture we're visiting. (and yes I'm talking about all the cultures we have in this world, including the bunch we have in this country alone.....in the south you wear brighter, lighter clothing. The north, you wear duller warmer clothing on top of other duller, warmer and bulkier clothing, The Midwest you wear matching outfits, the west it's denim and rhinestones, the far west...well you know, just about anything goes out there. Once you determine where you're going then the fun really starts, figuring out what to pack.

As a woman of substance, both in stature and age, there are things I don't wear, no cutesy thongs, tube tops, bikinis, short shorts, ripped denim jeans, tops cut to the navel, or dresses that look as if they're made for my three year old granddaughter. That's just stupid to wear that stuff at my age. ( Oh stop... you know as well as I that an old fat woman doesn't look great in a bikini nor a tube top, and don't get me started about butt floss....). My wardrobe is not considered conservative by any means, but it's not on the edge either. I am what my kids call, "modified Hippie". That being said, I have to agree with them. Many of my friends just look at me and shake their heads. I can't help it if I like Hawaiian Print shirts as over shells, they're bright and cheerful and you can wear a multitude of sleeveless different colored shirts under them. To me they're like a basic black dress, you can wear it almost anywhere...OK maybe not a funeral...unless you're in Hawaii, I bet there you could wear the shirt.

So knowing what I like to wear I determined I could probably get away with a couple of pairs of shorts, a few sleeveless "shells"( you know what they are...nondescript scoop necked, sleeveless, knit shirts that can be worn under just about anything.), a pair of jeans, and something dressier to go out to dinner, sort of business casual with a scarf, possibly a thin jacket as well. I thought that could take care of almost anything that I might need.

I don't know how you pack, but I do things this way: First I wash everything I even remotely think I'll be taking, then make sure everything is in "company condition", no holes, threads hanging, tears in seams, stains on the boob area...(yes I do have that problem...dropping stuff down the front of my shirt. I have a friend that puts an appliques on all her "dribbles" then says she's "personalized" her clothing...she just camouflages everything...she's not fooling anyone anymore, but it's not a bad idea...) no ripped out hems. When I've determined that I have all the best of the best, I lay anything I think I'm going to take on the couch in the living room and decide what looks the best on the couch. I eliminate most of it, put it away then look at the pile again. Although by this time I have put the outfits together so I can really see how I think the items will look when I wear them.

Now comes the fun part. I try on the stuff I think I'm going to take, to see if:
1. it still fits(this is a biggie for me. I never know if something I wore 6 months ago will still fit me or maybe it'll be too big-not usually-this is what is known as a "pipe dream")
2. it looks like I thought it would look like on me
3. I don't look like: The Bride of Frankenstein, The Cookie Monster, Swamp Thing (I did have an outfit I called "Swamp Thing". It was Army green in color and had strings , like fur, all over it. It had a "shell" and a jacket. Every time I wore the "thing" old men would come up to me and want to touch it....sometimes I didn't mind that, but at other times it freaked me out...) or the Loch Ness Monster (I"m Scottish).

When I've determined what is the "chosen" I start to do the packing. Usually this is the time my husband says, "Hey, Suzanne, do you think I need more than one pair of pants and a shirt? I'm packed." ( Even after 40 years he honestly has no idea how many times he's been close to death).

I get the underpants, bras, night attire, socks, shoes (another biggie- women need more shoes than men and that's the absolute truth...even my husband agrees...We can't bring one pair. We need the shoes to match the outfits, culture, agenda and weather. No brainner, right? Well the damned shoes take up a lot of room. I wear the "average" size 8, so don't think I have huge feet. My heart goes out to the women that have larger shoe sizes...how the Hell do you pack your shoes?? My own take up the whole bag, consequently I don't pack them in the suitcase...If I have to pack them I pack in, around and on top of them. After the determination of the shoes ( this is pretty tough to do, believe me I'm not making light of this. This shoe dilemma can make or break the vacation....don't kid yourself about that... Ever go to a place that's all cobblestones in a pair of soft calf leather flats??? Not a pretty sight ( and I mean the feet) after a day of trying to walk without crippling yourself... There is absolutely nothing worse than having shoes that don't fit your needs on vacation. Forget about the thought that you can buy something where you are... My experience has been when I figure out I have the wrong type of footwear I'm in a place that either: doesn't understand my dilemma, or doesn't carry the type of footwear I need. (Example: I was walking on Edinburgh's Royal mile. The rain was falling horizontally and had soaked my feet and socks, the wind was blowing gale force winds, the sole of my shoe decided at that moment to disintegrate ( these were new shoes I bought for the trip-leather,small heels, very proper walking shoes...so they said...they were not...). My first thought was to find a pair of Nikes, Addidas, Saucony...something that would afford me the comfort I was seeking, the dryness I desperately needed, and a sole that wouldn't die as I was walking on it. I went into a shoe store prepared to spend any amount of money for a pair of freaking sneakers. The salesman was ever so polite as he assured me he didn't think any of the shoppes on the Royal Mile sold "active wear shoes". They were more into the "fashion wear" shoes. I looked down at my, dead "fashion wear" shoes and looked up at him and said, "Can you repair these? or maybe, just give me some plastic bags and a few rubber bands and I'll fashion my own "active wear" shoes out of the remains of these "fashion wear" ones." That's the experience I've had, so I don't leave anything to chance any longer...)

I start to pack all the stuff I'm going to need, and some that I think I'll need, maybe. This is when Larry walks in and says, "What? You're not packed yet? What have you been doing?" Let me tell you it's a damned good thing the knives are far away from the living room. I would plunge one into his chest if they were nearer... I look up and him and he realizes that, perhaps he shouldn't be near me at that particular moment. He retreats to the "Man cave" in the cellar, leaving me to continue my task.

By the time I have everything assembled into a huge rolled pile (rolling keeps the clothes from becoming a wrinkled mess...that way I can eliminate the need for the stupid little travel iron. The one that has left scars on my hands over the years. It's a deadly device, invented by someone from one of the death camps during WWII, I'm convinced.) I place the roll into the suitcase. If I'm lucky, I can get it into the case I've chosen for the adventure in traveling I'm about to do. Usually, I have to adjust my thoughts about the case or the items to put into the case, sometimes both.

By the time I zip up the case, (what ever case I finally decide on) I've changed my mind several times about the contents. I have a rule I try not to break. When the case is closed, I don't go into it again until I get to the destination. It's my way of eliminating those last minutes additions or subtractions of clothing that would mean repacking the whole case again.

My objective is to wear everything I've brought with me on the trip at one time or another. I'm pretty good at packing what I'll use, but it isn't something I can do in 10 minutes , like the other person that lives with me.

The moral of this blog is: " Stay away from the other people who are packing at the same time. Don't watch them and don't remind them what they need to take. Laugh your ass off when you get to the destination and they realize they forgot their underpants".