Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Another Day at the Office

This is day number two at the office that's usually peaceful, quiet, and generally a pleasure to work in.  However, as I said yesterday, the world is filled with crazy people, no longer are people rational, pleasant or courteous.  As a matter of fact, I think the word "courteous" has been removed from the dictionary.  It's probably been replaced by words like miserable, rotten, creepy, horrible and bitchy.

Today was slow. People came in and paid bills, bought insurance, asked about claims info.  They were all pretty nice.  I started to wonder if I had gone into a new dimension when I left for work this morning, because for sure I wasn't in the same place as yesterday.  I should have known it wouldn't last.

Customer 1:  Where's the agent?
Me: well the owner agent is not available but everyone in this office is an agent, how may we help you?
Customer: How long have YOU been here?
Me: This week?  about 24 hours but with the company 28 years. I work in all the agencies covering for folks who are out
Customer: So that means you're like a Kelly Girl?
Me: Ha ha, well perhaps a Kelly Girl with licences, certifications, and instructor licences...I usually call myself a "licence for hire"...ha ha.  Now what can I help you with today. 
Customer: How do I know that you won't get my information and sell it to another source?..... (who? Geico? AFLAC?)
Me:  I work for this company only and have done so since the eighties.
Customer: Prove it...
Me:  Well, I can show you all my licenses, and the certifications I carry, as well as my Notary Public license. 
Customer: let me see
Me: Here they all are
Customer: Well I guess I can talk to you
Me: sure I'll try to help as best I can
Customer: What do you mean you'll "try" to help? Does that mean you don't know how to do the job?
Me: considering I don't know what you need I have to assume that I will know what you need but there is a possibility that I will have to get additional information to complete your request
Customer: Well, I want to know that if I ask YOU the question I'll be able to get the answer I want.
Me: Well, I can't guarantee that, however I'm sure we'll be able to come to some mutual agreement of some kind.
Customer: I don't like you. I'm leaving
Me: Have a nice day......

Customer 2: Who are you?
Me: I'm Suz.  What can I help you with today?
Customer: I don't know you
Me: Probably not, but I'm here once in a while when people are out. I help in the agencies
Customer: Do you know your stuff?
Me: Depends on what you're alluding to
Customer: Oh shit, you're one of those college broads
Me: Yep, that would be me
Customer: Well I pay your salary, so don't you forget that..
Me: Technically you're probably correct
Customer: You bet your sweet bippy I'm correct.... 
Me: I there something I can help you with
Customer: I need to pay a bill. The bill that probably pays your salary
Me: I wish it did.
Customer: so where's my receipt?
Me: Who are you and what are you paying?
Customer: Don't get snippy with me? ...(Trust me he doesn't know "snippy" yet)
Me: I need your last name so I can get into your policy and transmit the payment.
Customer: Well, the other people don't need me to tell them who I am
Me: Well Sir, I don't know who you are, I'm not here all the time so I haven't learned all 2700 customers names....(now we are starting to get to the "snippy" from me [part)
Customer: Oh, there's that many here?
Me: Probably more than that
Customer: OK I'll play your way....  (WTF...am I now a freaking mind reader)
Me: That would be helpful.

Customer 3:    Telephone rings......Hello, I have insurance with you.
Me: how can I help
Customer: I want to know why my insurance is cancelled
Me: Can you give me your last name and I'll check your policies to see what's going on?
Customer: Can't you tell by my phone number?
Me: The number that comes up seems to be a business.  Is this a business account
Customer: No, my own personal account
Me: Is you name **** LLC?
Customer: No, that's who I work for
Me: What is your name Ma'am?
Customer: whispering.....Sally ***.
Me: and you  live at 12 ****?
Customer: still whispering....How did you know that?
Me: Your address is part of your policy
Customer: Who is this?
Me: My name is Suz
Customer: Who the Hell are you?
Me: (go through all the hoopla again)
Customer:  Oh yeah I remember you from before
Me: I thought your name was familiar
Customer: What's that supposed to mean?
Me: Nothing I just remember talking to you in the past
Customer: Because I was a bitch?
Me: Gees, I don't remember that at all.  You were very nice (my brain is now going through all the saved data to try to remember something about this lady at the same time I'm in her account reading notes from 3  [three!!] years ago....I find something)  I remember you called about your son and his grades and you wanted to know how to get credit for him for being a good student..(thank you God for the notes I put in and remembering some things)
Customer:  Oh yeah....and he is still doing wonderfully...He graduated and is now in Med school. I'm so proud of him 
Me: you should be....
Customer: Well, great talking to you
Me:  Wait...you called me about your cancellation.
Customer: I remembered, I forgot to pay the bill.....Bye
Me: grrrrrrrr  CLICK

and it's only 2:42 

Monday, September 29, 2014

I'm imaginative, but even I couldn't make this stuff up!

So... today was a work day for me....I don't work everyday, but I do cover different places when they need someone to help out in emergencies, or for some training.  It's good for me and for them, so I continue to do it (when and if I want to).

I worked in an office that's very familiar to me, so I thought, no problem....a few hours...a few dollars...what's the rub?  Well...

I think the world is coming to an end and all that's left is crazy people...(I may be classifying myself in that category, but I like to think of myself is an observer only).

Call number one:
 Customer: Hi, my name is *****. I have policies with you folks and I was wondering if it would be cheaper if my room mates had insurance with you as well.  I thought we could all take advantage of multi-car discounts and the like........
Me: Maybe if would, but first I'd have to know some information about your room mates
Customer: OK...well, I live with the father of my two kids and his wife.
Me: Come again?
Customer:  I live with the Father of my kids and his wife...I'm away a lot on business so they watch all the kids when I'm not here...

Me:  OK...are you all going to be listed on the policies?
Customer: OMG no. His wife is a drunk, and has lost her license.  She's also on parole for arson.
Me: Is this a joke?
   ( and no it wasn't a joke)

Call number 2:
 Hello, my name is *****. I just need to know if you can give me insurance on my birds?
Me: No, I'm sorry, we don't insure animals.
Customer: What!?! that smacks of discrimination...You people will be hearing from my lawyers...
  (hmmm....OK)   CLICK!!

Call number 3:
 Customer: I need to buy insurance for flood
Me: Ok we'll need some information
Customer: no problem ask away
Me: We will need to know where the house is located, the community, and the map designation to determine the cost of the insurance.
Customer: What? Why do you need all that?  I"m just insuring it for about three days. There's a flood warning and I want to make sure I'm covered.
Me: I'm so sorry sir.  Flood Insurance is regulated by FEMA (Federal Emergency Management Authority) and there is always a waiting period  before the policy is effective, if we could write the policy, which unfortunately, since you are in imminent peril we can't even quote you at present.
Customer: Jesus H Christ, why bother with you insurance people...you always find loopholes for us honest citizens....you're all a bunch of leeches.....
Me: Well, sir...I'm sorry we can't help you, have a nice day.  CLICK!!

Call number 4:
Customer: My dog bit my cat.  The cat was running down the hall and the dog chased after the cat and bit the cat on the rear end.  The cat needs to go to the vet.  Can I give them my policy number and your telephone number so they can put the claim in for the damage the dog did to the cat?
Me: No.
Customer: What d'ya mean, no??? I've paid for this &*^%  home owners insurance for over 10 years and I've never put in a claim...Now when I need to you say "no".
Me: I'm sorry, but your dog biting your cat is not a covered loss.  A loss would have to be something like fire, lightning, trees crashing through the roof, electrical damage, and airplane crashing into the house, collapse...that sort of thing. There would be no coverage for your animals biting each other...or for that matter if your animals bit you or any other person who lives with you..
Customer: So....there's no coverage for my cat?
Me: No, I'm sorry
Customer: Well the cat will have to be put down then. I hope you can sleep tonight knowing you caused a cat to be killed.
Me: I'm so sorry.   CLICK!!

So that's been my day....how about you?