I'm imaginative, but even I couldn't make this stuff up!

So... today was a work day for me....I don't work everyday, but I do cover different places when they need someone to help out in emergencies, or for some training.  It's good for me and for them, so I continue to do it (when and if I want to).

I worked in an office that's very familiar to me, so I thought, no problem....a few hours...a few dollars...what's the rub?  Well...

I think the world is coming to an end and all that's left is crazy people...(I may be classifying myself in that category, but I like to think of myself is an observer only).

Call number one:
 Customer: Hi, my name is *****. I have policies with you folks and I was wondering if it would be cheaper if my room mates had insurance with you as well.  I thought we could all take advantage of multi-car discounts and the like........
Me: Maybe if would, but first I'd have to know some information about your room mates
Customer: OK...well, I live with the father of my two kids and his wife.
Me: Come again?
Customer:  I live with the Father of my kids and his wife...I'm away a lot on business so they watch all the kids when I'm not here...

Me:  OK...are you all going to be listed on the policies?
Customer: OMG no. His wife is a drunk, and has lost her license.  She's also on parole for arson.
Me: Is this a joke?
   ( and no it wasn't a joke)

Call number 2:
 Hello, my name is *****. I just need to know if you can give me insurance on my birds?
Me: No, I'm sorry, we don't insure animals.
Customer: What!?! that smacks of discrimination...You people will be hearing from my lawyers...
  (hmmm....OK)   CLICK!!

Call number 3:
 Customer: I need to buy insurance for flood
Me: Ok we'll need some information
Customer: no problem ask away
Me: We will need to know where the house is located, the community, and the map designation to determine the cost of the insurance.
Customer: What? Why do you need all that?  I"m just insuring it for about three days. There's a flood warning and I want to make sure I'm covered.
Me: I'm so sorry sir.  Flood Insurance is regulated by FEMA (Federal Emergency Management Authority) and there is always a waiting period  before the policy is effective, if we could write the policy, which unfortunately, since you are in imminent peril we can't even quote you at present.
Customer: Jesus H Christ, why bother with you insurance people...you always find loopholes for us honest citizens....you're all a bunch of leeches.....
Me: Well, sir...I'm sorry we can't help you, have a nice day.  CLICK!!

Call number 4:
Customer: My dog bit my cat.  The cat was running down the hall and the dog chased after the cat and bit the cat on the rear end.  The cat needs to go to the vet.  Can I give them my policy number and your telephone number so they can put the claim in for the damage the dog did to the cat?
Me: No.
Customer: What d'ya mean, no??? I've paid for this &*^%  home owners insurance for over 10 years and I've never put in a claim...Now when I need to you say "no".
Me: I'm sorry, but your dog biting your cat is not a covered loss.  A loss would have to be something like fire, lightning, trees crashing through the roof, electrical damage, and airplane crashing into the house, collapse...that sort of thing. There would be no coverage for your animals biting each other...or for that matter if your animals bit you or any other person who lives with you..
Customer: So....there's no coverage for my cat?
Me: No, I'm sorry
Customer: Well the cat will have to be put down then. I hope you can sleep tonight knowing you caused a cat to be killed.
Me: I'm so sorry.   CLICK!!

So that's been my day....how about you?