Another change in my life. Things don't stay the same, I know that, but I don't have to like it...and I don't.
Lunch with Emily has always been fun, but now there's a new twist and some new activities. She's now in an assisted living facility....and very nice one, but not her home....She lets me know that almost every minute.
Today was my first experience with her in the assisted facility. The staff were all very gracious and helpful. The lunch was very...institutional...but nutritious and plenty. If you wanted more you could ask for more. I should be the one staying there...You get enough and you don't get a chance to be greedy or glutinous.....I'd lose weight. Emily should gain weight because she sure hasn't been gaining weight, nor for that matter, keeping weight on at all lately.
It's sad when you have a loved one in any kind of facility. Intellectually I know it's the right place for her right now and probably forever, but emotionally I have a feeling of grief... It's as though I've lost part of me. It's not that I'm thinking about my own mortality per se, but something I always thought of as never changing has indeed changed and can never be put back to rights...
My cousin has been a part of my life since the day I was born. She is 7 years my elder. I am an only child and she is as close to a sister to me as I will ever have.
She is the only person who shared my childhood bedroom. She lived with me, my Mom and Dad from age 19 until she married and moved out at age 24. You may not think that's a long time, but it was intensive and felt as though she always lived in our house.
Time went on and we went our separate ways. Me to college, then my own marriage, Emily to build her home not far from me, but still not in the bed next to mine...We had children...We lived our lives different from one another, but we were still connected by the thread of family connection. We saw each other sporadically over the years but managed to meet monthly for lunch and catch up on the goings on of each family.
Our kids knew each other a bit, but they too had their own friends and families. Still the thread connected all of us like an invisible lasso. We could pull it together at times, weddings, funerals, graduations, but usually it was loosely held around us. I thought it was like a safety belt, "just in case" we needed it.
As we've aged things have changed. We remember the past as though it was yesterday, but Emily doesn't remember yesterday and that is frustrating to her. Her sentence structure is sometimes non-existent...but that's OK...I can keep track...Her information is scattered all over her brain and it sometime takes hours to get it into the right order for more than just her understanding of what she's trying to say. I can deal with that as well.
I can handle things as they are as long as I know there is a safe place for her to be. The place is safe. She tries to escape out of every EXIT but the staff is on to her now, so she keeps them hopping..
Alzheimer's disease is a bitch. There's no other word for it...It's a bitch. In the case of my cousin, it's the family disease. Luckily we're pretty sure it's her Mom's family and that will exclude me and mine from that particular strain, but who knows what the future holds for any of us?
My studies had me research the Dementia's and none of them were pretty to see or read about, but the beginnings of Alzheimer's, is a tougher deal...It's an insidious disease, it sort of creeps up on you when you're not looking. If you have no other people in your family who have preceded you with this disease, you can lose time in getting a good diagnosis, and medication to help slow the progression....There is no cure, but some medications may help slow the spiral down that slippery slope where there's no turning back.
I know I must accept the cruelties of the disease, but I sure as Hell don't have to like that acceptance and I don't .
I'll keep visiting Emily, giving her my love and company and hope she continues to remember me as I remember her and the fun we've had over the last 68 years....
Tuesday, June 2, 2015
Thursday, May 14, 2015
So all right already...
I've been getting grief from some folks because I am remiss in my blog writing. So rather than continuing to listen to the queries as to why I've been so quiet, here I am...
Life is funny. I know you've heard and read that a hundred times or more but honest, it really is funny if you really observe your fellow man.
1. I watched a man come out of Stewart's convenience store today carrying more than any one person should try to carry at one time. I watched him thinking, "this is going to end badly". I was correct. Every single item he was attempting to carry all at once hit the bricks; coffee, a bag with bread, butter, a jar of "something" and peanut butter hit the ground. The jar broke and the "something" spilled over his cute little bare toes...He had sandals on but they were not substantial...just some straps of fake leather...The man tried to catch some of the stuff in mid fall, but ended up slamming into the car (I hope it was his) and kind of slid down the side in a heap....I know I shouldn't have laughed and to be honest I tried to hold it in, but I couldn't...
2. A woman (who should have known better) was walking at a quick pace while looking down at her phone. She was obviously oblivious to her surroundings as she walked off a curb and fell to her knees...Again, I knew I shouldn't laugh, and this time I didn't. I ran over to help her and she sort of waved me away never once letting her eyes leave the screen of her phone...Now, come on...
3. At the gas station, I observed a youngish man (again with the man...) as he filled up his vehicle. He was paying no attention to anything at all. I thought he was in some state of meditation or something. I watched him as he filled the car and when the hose stopped filling (because the tank was filled...duh...) he proceeded to pull the hose out just a little to add more, then a little bit farther up to add more, then the hose was out of the filler and he sprayed the gasoline all over his feet. First of all, I never thought that could happen with all those safety things on the hoses these days....wrong. The guy was furious. I watched and thought, "I hope he's not a smoker".
So now I've started to blog again. I'm done for tonight....I'm tired......
Life is funny. I know you've heard and read that a hundred times or more but honest, it really is funny if you really observe your fellow man.
1. I watched a man come out of Stewart's convenience store today carrying more than any one person should try to carry at one time. I watched him thinking, "this is going to end badly". I was correct. Every single item he was attempting to carry all at once hit the bricks; coffee, a bag with bread, butter, a jar of "something" and peanut butter hit the ground. The jar broke and the "something" spilled over his cute little bare toes...He had sandals on but they were not substantial...just some straps of fake leather...The man tried to catch some of the stuff in mid fall, but ended up slamming into the car (I hope it was his) and kind of slid down the side in a heap....I know I shouldn't have laughed and to be honest I tried to hold it in, but I couldn't...
2. A woman (who should have known better) was walking at a quick pace while looking down at her phone. She was obviously oblivious to her surroundings as she walked off a curb and fell to her knees...Again, I knew I shouldn't laugh, and this time I didn't. I ran over to help her and she sort of waved me away never once letting her eyes leave the screen of her phone...Now, come on...
3. At the gas station, I observed a youngish man (again with the man...) as he filled up his vehicle. He was paying no attention to anything at all. I thought he was in some state of meditation or something. I watched him as he filled the car and when the hose stopped filling (because the tank was filled...duh...) he proceeded to pull the hose out just a little to add more, then a little bit farther up to add more, then the hose was out of the filler and he sprayed the gasoline all over his feet. First of all, I never thought that could happen with all those safety things on the hoses these days....wrong. The guy was furious. I watched and thought, "I hope he's not a smoker".
So now I've started to blog again. I'm done for tonight....I'm tired......
Tuesday, February 3, 2015
Land that time should forget....let them all stay as they are....
Been quite a while since I sat down to write a blog. I've been doing a bunch of other things and haven't had the opportunity to sit a write for fun...However, tonight I'm sitting at the beach. I'm a bit tired from being in the sun most of the afternoon. I am not sunburned, thanks be to sunscreen...
We are again in God's waiting room. The last couple of years we were not quite in this area of Florida. Last year we were in the middle of the state, near "Mouse Land"...We didn't like it there. It was a bit fake...No, make that a lot fake.
This year we're back in the waiting room, where everyone here is older than we are, and that's not too bad. I try to find places that are off the beaten track and not so "where the cool kids are". By that I mean, not in the middle of the hoity-toity groups that are all over the place down here.
They make all sorts of "fun" things to do: Roaring 20's parties, 60's sock hops, Sci-fi weirdo things, and of course the ever popular, Elvis impersonator dances... We've hit some of them over the years just to see what's what.
This year we are in a 1930's Florida cottage (a..k.a. "camp") that has been totally rehabbed and has all the mod-cons that are necessary for life as we know it today. We have two bedrooms and only one bath (I told you it's like a camp). It is very well appointed with all the stuff needed to do just about anything you may need to do.
The area is very residential. Most of the other folks around here stay down here for half the year. As I said before, most of the folks are older than us. Many have residual effects of pretty devastating illnesses and the like. It's kind of like looking in a mirror and maybe seeing your future...and I hope I'm wrong, but we all have to go sometime.
The air here is warm but the ocean is cold, not cold enough for me to fore go walking in it looking for shark's teeth along with hundreds of other old farts.
The conversations you hear are all the same. It doesn't matter where you hear them, a restaurant, museum, the beach, casually strolling down a street just about everywhere. First comes the talk about meds., then Docs, on to pooping, either too much or too little. Honest to God, I'm not kidding. It seems that everyone is obsessed with their evacuation. I guess it's because it's a commonality between people of a certain age.
The driving hasn't gotten better down here either. We have seen some really bad driving and I shudder every time I see a Buick sedan in my rear view mirror. I'm never sure if I should keep my eyes on the front windshield or the rear. I've gotten whiplash every time I've come down here to the country that waits for God's finger to crook their way.
I'm not being "snotty" as my husband suggests, I'm only observing from my vantage point. It's quite amazing to think that all these really old people down here were once young and vibrant. Granted, some are still quite vibrant for about two hours (usually in the early morning hours-that's when all the garage sales take place) then it's nap time to get ready for "cocktail time"...Every day...day after day...
Oh well, more later.....
We are again in God's waiting room. The last couple of years we were not quite in this area of Florida. Last year we were in the middle of the state, near "Mouse Land"...We didn't like it there. It was a bit fake...No, make that a lot fake.
This year we're back in the waiting room, where everyone here is older than we are, and that's not too bad. I try to find places that are off the beaten track and not so "where the cool kids are". By that I mean, not in the middle of the hoity-toity groups that are all over the place down here.
They make all sorts of "fun" things to do: Roaring 20's parties, 60's sock hops, Sci-fi weirdo things, and of course the ever popular, Elvis impersonator dances... We've hit some of them over the years just to see what's what.
This year we are in a 1930's Florida cottage (a..k.a. "camp") that has been totally rehabbed and has all the mod-cons that are necessary for life as we know it today. We have two bedrooms and only one bath (I told you it's like a camp). It is very well appointed with all the stuff needed to do just about anything you may need to do.
The area is very residential. Most of the other folks around here stay down here for half the year. As I said before, most of the folks are older than us. Many have residual effects of pretty devastating illnesses and the like. It's kind of like looking in a mirror and maybe seeing your future...and I hope I'm wrong, but we all have to go sometime.
The air here is warm but the ocean is cold, not cold enough for me to fore go walking in it looking for shark's teeth along with hundreds of other old farts.
The conversations you hear are all the same. It doesn't matter where you hear them, a restaurant, museum, the beach, casually strolling down a street just about everywhere. First comes the talk about meds., then Docs, on to pooping, either too much or too little. Honest to God, I'm not kidding. It seems that everyone is obsessed with their evacuation. I guess it's because it's a commonality between people of a certain age.
The driving hasn't gotten better down here either. We have seen some really bad driving and I shudder every time I see a Buick sedan in my rear view mirror. I'm never sure if I should keep my eyes on the front windshield or the rear. I've gotten whiplash every time I've come down here to the country that waits for God's finger to crook their way.
I'm not being "snotty" as my husband suggests, I'm only observing from my vantage point. It's quite amazing to think that all these really old people down here were once young and vibrant. Granted, some are still quite vibrant for about two hours (usually in the early morning hours-that's when all the garage sales take place) then it's nap time to get ready for "cocktail time"...Every day...day after day...
Oh well, more later.....
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