This age is tough....

We're at the age where picking up the newspaper is mandatory.  We need to see who's died... Also, we want to make sure our own names aren't in the Obit column....

We're not at home at the moment and we find ourselves in a quandary of  "what to do, what to do?".  We know the answer will unfold if we leave it alone, but the thrashing has started in our minds.  It's a tough age....

We have family and friends in all stages of life and death.  We are unable to get to them, and truth be told if we were at home, I'm not sure we'd be doing anything different than we are here in God's waiting room. It just makes us feel a bit helpless and that's where the problem lies.

All of life's adventures seem to be based in control over something or someone else.  We do things to give us a new perspective on our own lives, but we control all the activities to mold them into something we can handle. The problem is, life likes to throw in some punches we've not anticipated and we feel a bit violated.  We didn't anticipate this "punch of life" we were going along at our own pace and were thrown into a wall. We now have to step back, take stock on the wall, go around, cut through, something, we didn't want to do in  the first place.  It's a vicious bite to our neat and orderly existence. 

Doing the best we can doesn't cut it.   Someone will be hurt.  We don't want to hurt anyone, but the sad truth is if you push someone, they will have to react in some way or another. 

Someone is dying, we won't be able to attend to hold hands, hug, give strength.  It will be bad, for us and for them.  They need assistance, in the form of money, but it seems so heartless and somehow, cruel.  I will send a check for the family because they will need the money for daily expenses until they get on their feet.  Nothing will ever be the same for them but we can make things a bit easier for them and maybe that's what we're meant to do...I don't know.  

We don't send flowers anymore because it's a waste of money that the family needs at the time of the death.  Sure, the flowers are nice, but they don't put food on the table, or pay the mortgage.  It's a practical decision in my mind.  BUT I always fear that the recipient will think we're buying our way out of guilt....(which we are really).

Oh well, I guess I'll let things unfold as it comes.....