Bathing Suits

OK so this is not about the toaster this time. No, this is more for the women of the group and to give the guys some humor........
Maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'm not living in the real world but honestly there must be someone out there who can relate to this. For those of you that don't know this, I'm going to a wedding in Hawaii in June. I know it's only March but I have to do some serious shopping for this wedding right now because you know as well as I if I wait until a date closer to June I'll be rustling through winter clothes to find something, anything, for summer.
I decided today was the day I would shop for a bathing suit, yes you heard it correctly, a bathing suit......Last night I spent the better part of three hours on the internet looking at bathing suits. Are you guys aware that bathing suits aren't a whole lot different in style since 1950. Granted there weren't many of those "little boy" panties,you know the ones I mean. They have little bloomer type pants under a short, short kind of pant. The kind of panty when you bend down the material doesn't have any "give" so your upper thighs scream in agony as the > >> material cuts into the flesh on its way to the inner bone. Don't tell me you don't know what I'm talking about...I know you don't have "Twiggy" legs ( now there's a visual for you). Anyway, most of the bathing suits were pretty much the same as the ones I have in my closet, except the ones I looked at last night didn't have elastic that has sprung its "spring". I found several that seemed to be the type that I like. I like a bathing suit that covers my body, but doesn't have all kinds of extra skirts, sparkles, belts or streamers. Trust me, when I walk on to a beach in a bathing suit I don't need anything that will alert the Naval fleets that I'm coming....my own body says enough without embellishments. On that note, lets get past the, "Oh love your body, don't try to be something you're not..etc. etc." You know all that rhetoric too. ( I doubt there is one person who takes a bathing suit into a fitting room, puts the damned thing on, turns to the mirror and says, "Oh I love my body... I'll be so thrilled to have the world see me in this three quarters of a yard of fabric.") Now, here's where I need the help. I specifically went to Macy's to try on several of the suits I had seen on the internet. They were very nice. Just what I was looking for but...why in Hell would anyone pay $168.00 for 3/4 to 1 yard of fabric. No lie. First of all I had to laugh at the tags on the suits....Mind you I'm looking at suits in the 16 to 18 size range. The tags, bold and beautiful state," Look 10 pounds slimmer in this suit".. Now I ask you, " What the Hell is 10 pounds off of anyone who's buying a 16 or 18 sized suit going to be" It's like a pebble off a freaking mountain..... What are these folks thinking?? On the other hand, I thought there might be some sort of magic that happened when I stepped into the suit, so with that thought in mind I took three suits into the dressing room. First I checked all the mirrors to make sure they were "real" mirrors and not those kind we all get e-mails about, the one way kind with some pervert behind getting his jollies looking at all the women. I determined the mirrors were OK. I removed my clothes and stepped into the first suit. This baby had spandex in the "tummy" area (that's what the tag said), a band under the buttocks area (tag again). It had breast cups so solid if you bumped into someone you could bounce them into the next county. Those cups should have had a warning label on them. Honest to God they were like the Jock strap cup things my kid used to wear playing ffootball. I felt empowered in that suit, but not like I wanted to go swimming, like I wanted to start singing some Wagnerian opera. All I needed with this suit was a horned Viking Helmet. No wonder the suit was priced at $168.00. It was a weapon. The second and third suits were a bit less empowering, but still touted the "10 lbs slimmer" line. I'm still trying to figure what was 10 lbs slimmer. I think it was my toes. It certainly wasn't my hips. I turned from side to side and decided I couldn't justify $168.00 for either of these as well. So.. I left sans suit...I came home and pulled out my two "old faithfuls". I think with a few more repairs they will have to do the trick for this trip unless one of you can give me some pointers on bathing suits that you like, that were reasonably priced, and are made in the "chubette" sizes. Am I asking too much??? Suz>