People! Mind your manners

I haven't written in quite a number of months, mainly because I've been in an "observation" mode lately.  It's fun to watch the actions of other human beings from afar. 

The one thing that seems universal is the lack of manners/etiquette.  The past few months I've seen more than the usual lack of manners, sort of like an escalation of rudeness to others, especially in crowded situations. If there's a group of people, you're bound to see rude behavior.  I don't remember people being so nasty in past decades.  I started to wonder why there was this increase in bad behavior.  I've come up with some reasons, not scientific mind you, just probable cause.

1. The crowd mentality: You get a bunch of people at a "free" function and they get super greedy.  The more people, the greedier they all get. It's like a shark feeding frenzy.  A table may be laden with "noshes" and in one giant pod of life forces they glom to that table and like locusts devour every last smidgen and crumb.  There are arms, shoulders and legs moving in the direction of the food stuffs.  Never mind that it may be something they wouldn't eat any other time, it's free so they want it. 

2. The entitled: They are the folks who dragged themselves to an event. It wasn't what they wanted to do, but someone told them they should go.  They feel it is their duty to honor the "little people" with their presence.  When entering the event, others will observe the haughtiness of their stance.  People can see the entitled one is there due to a command performance.  It's almost like seeing a Monarch attend  nursery school celebrations.  They don't want to be there but it's for the "little people".  It's pretty entertaining to watch the supposed entitled ones try to keep themselves from being contaminated by the masses, certainly the entitled feels these others are distasteful at the least. Their behavior sparks resentment with the others. There is tension in the air.

3.The parents: Pushing their kids ahead in the lines...ever so gently.  The parents are behind the kids with their knees edging the kids forward.  The bunch of living, breathing folks ahead of the kids move a tiny bit forward reducing the "personal space' between them and those in front.  The pushed kids get restless, if not a bit squashed and there starts the whining.  The parents start to get frustrated hearing the distressed sounds emanating from their young and that's the beginning of anger.  The kids want out, the parents want out and the folks in front and behind want out.   The tension mounts and someone cracks...then all Hell breaks out. All because the parents were not patient and tried to grab more personal space from someone else.  It happens continually.

4. Lack of preparation:  This I blame on the event coordinators.  They set up these events, send out all the press releases about the event, advertising this is a free event, then don't anticipate how many will attend.  They don't have enough food, drinks, chairs, or anything else needed to make the masses happy.  The even starts and it's a free for all.  This is not good event planning. 

Those are a few of many problems that I see happening all the time.  There shouldn't be any excuse for bad behavior, but when you haven't been taught to be respectful of others, what can you expect?  Most of the time they have been taught, but opt to "forget" their manners in response to their immediate wants and desires. 

Ahh....maybe I'm just getting old......

God's Waiting Room-another part

Well... here we are down in God's waiting room, however we're in a different part of the state and it seems to be a couple of steps farther down the ladder from the West coast.  The West coast is just waiting for the gates to open so they can all file in.  The middle of the state seems to have a bit more life in it.  The reason is probably because of the proximity to "The Mouse". 

We still have a feeling that everything is manufactured to be like somewhere else though.  As though no one can come up with anything new or creative.  For example: all the houses around here look alike.  I'm sure the colors of the houses around here came from some guy who thought "pastel" was the only way to go down here. 

The current place we are in is prime example of the lack of diversity in color.  You will see cream, pink, yellow and throw-up salmon, that's it....Everything is stucco (I get that....less bugs to contend with) and has goofy outside lights...all exactly the same. They even break the same way at the same time...(synchronized breakage?)

Of course there's a Homeowners Association here.  Every place has a HOA.  I'm not sure if it's to help or restrain the inmates...whoops, I mean residents.  The rules are strict and I'm sure there's a torture chamber somewhere on the property for those who break (or try to break) the rules. 

This place is gated, walled and guarded 24/7.  Again, I'm not sure if it's to keep us in or to keep the outsiders out.  I know one thing, it seems to give the residents a sense of ....exclusiveness? perhaps.  I think it's to keep "them" from coming in. 
Each lovely home has it's own little pool, complete with the cage around it.  It's sort of like being in the Zoo and we're the attractions.  I'm not so sure I like that...but then again?

The good thing about being here in the middle of "The Heart of Florida" is we've met some cool folks to hang out with. They're younger than we are, but we won't hold that against them...We find we have similar views and that's unusual for us.  Usually down here we're in the minority.  Although, it could be because they're Canadian and we seem to get along with them more than with our own countrymen at times.  It's not that we dislike our "ain" folk, but we seem to be on opposite ends of the spectrum with many of them, both politically and socially.  We like to be inclusive and we find that many don't want to include those who are "different"/

It's pretty much "white bread" around here and that's odd as well.  I like diversity and different points of view.  But then I'm a bit different too...

The traffic is pretty much the same as on the coast.  They're all terrible drivers and none of them know where they're going...

C'est la vie....

Snow Birds flocking to the warmth

So...here we are again in God's waiting room. This year however, we are in the middle of the state. I decided to shoot a dart at the map of Florida and see where it would land. Yep, right in the middle, or the "heart" as they are wont to say here , of Florida.  We've landed not too far from the Mouse, but have no intention of meandering over to Mouse Heaven....We might go to a show or something while we're here but not too many.

People here are different than the ones we encounter on either coast.  My ex-Florida buddy tells me I'm in the middle of "Redneck Heaven".  She's quite correct.  We see all sorts of "country" footsteps around here, from the Western garb stores to the gin mills touting their entertainment of country/western/down-home featured artists (?..that's debatable).

I see the huge billboards as I drive yelling at me to "See Jesus", "Be saved by the Lord", "Man is short lived, but with Jesus, life everlasting". I wonder how much they (whoever "they" might be) is paying for these billboards that seem to levitate from the ground as I go on my merry way?

On the back windows of trucks, I see all sorts of scripture statements explaining how life should be lived and never varied.  Yesterday I saw one window expressing love for all mankind, then on the bumper a rainbow peace symbol with a red slash across it.  I thought that was rather telling of the person behind the wheel...However, I could be prejudging...I don't think so though.

I see the gun racks on the back of the pick-up window, but I don't see the guns...That's odd to me...but then there's probably a law against riding around with a gun showing in your window....If there isn't a law about that, then there should be one.

I hear, "God bless" at every turn, and that's nice....but I wonder, is that the "nasty nice" talk I know so many folks in this area commonly indulge in?  If had folks say to me, "Now, aren't you the sweetest thang".  I  know what that really means...I was told by a longtime Texan when you hear that being said think, "Now, what a pain in the ass she is".  It's almost interchangeable.  It could be...

The driving over here is not better than on the coast. I thought, since the demographics over here show the area to be younger, then driving would be better, not so.  I think it's worse here....Everyone in this general area is from "somewhere else" and they all have the "wild eyed, crazed look" as they drive along.  For some reason they've forgotten all the rules of the road they knew when they were, "home".  You better be on you  best defensive driving mode down here or you'll die in a fiery crash...or be maimed by by someone who's just realized they missed their turn and now you're in their way...No problem though, they'll just squeeze you over and get in the lane where you were. Crazy.

It's interesting if you look at all the differences as a study in modern humanity...Although, if you do that, you may want to check out of this world and find another....

This age is tough....

We're at the age where picking up the newspaper is mandatory.  We need to see who's died... Also, we want to make sure our own names aren't in the Obit column....

We're not at home at the moment and we find ourselves in a quandary of  "what to do, what to do?".  We know the answer will unfold if we leave it alone, but the thrashing has started in our minds.  It's a tough age....

We have family and friends in all stages of life and death.  We are unable to get to them, and truth be told if we were at home, I'm not sure we'd be doing anything different than we are here in God's waiting room. It just makes us feel a bit helpless and that's where the problem lies.

All of life's adventures seem to be based in control over something or someone else.  We do things to give us a new perspective on our own lives, but we control all the activities to mold them into something we can handle. The problem is, life likes to throw in some punches we've not anticipated and we feel a bit violated.  We didn't anticipate this "punch of life" we were going along at our own pace and were thrown into a wall. We now have to step back, take stock on the wall, go around, cut through, something, we didn't want to do in  the first place.  It's a vicious bite to our neat and orderly existence. 

Doing the best we can doesn't cut it.   Someone will be hurt.  We don't want to hurt anyone, but the sad truth is if you push someone, they will have to react in some way or another. 

Someone is dying, we won't be able to attend to hold hands, hug, give strength.  It will be bad, for us and for them.  They need assistance, in the form of money, but it seems so heartless and somehow, cruel.  I will send a check for the family because they will need the money for daily expenses until they get on their feet.  Nothing will ever be the same for them but we can make things a bit easier for them and maybe that's what we're meant to do...I don't know.  

We don't send flowers anymore because it's a waste of money that the family needs at the time of the death.  Sure, the flowers are nice, but they don't put food on the table, or pay the mortgage.  It's a practical decision in my mind.  BUT I always fear that the recipient will think we're buying our way out of guilt....(which we are really).

Oh well, I guess I'll let things unfold as it comes..... 

The New Crop of kids Coming Up The Pike...

For the past few weeks I've been observing some of the new crop of little kids in my neighborhood, and around the area.  We've gone a few years around here with no new little kids, but this year, there are several who've passed the toddler stage and they're now full fledged little people.

The Mom's and Dad's are a different bunch of folks as well.  They aren't like the used to be.  These folks are "helicopter" parents.  They hover...All the time.  They are always with the tykes and don't let them out of their sight for a minute. Honest, it's amazing to see this action.

I get it.  They're hit all the time with the "missing kids", "Amber Alerts" and all the perverted wacko news reports.  These Mom's and Dad's are afraid to let the kids be kids.   They carry it a bit too far though.

I took my Grandson to the park.  The park is fenced all around.  If you sit on one of the benches in the fenced in area, you can see the whole park.  I sat down and let the kid run to the climbing slides and swings.  I was glancing at him every so often, but I was sitting near the gate. I figured I would see if someone was going to "steal" him.  A woman came over to me and said, "Are you here with a kid?"  I looked at her and said, "Oh yes, my grandson, over there", nodding to the area, not 50 feet away.  She looked at me in horror as she said, "Aren't you concerned that he might get hurt, or someone may try something with him?"  I looked at her in amazement and said, "Are you serious? He's less than 50 feet away.  I can hear and see him. He'll be fine".  She looked at me and said, "I don't know how you can be so calm?"  With that parting shot, she went to hover nearly on top of her kid.

Come on, enough of this already.  Parents need to let their kids get dirty, scraped, bruised and bumped.  Kids learn by doing things on their own. They need guidance, not insulation from life.  It doesn't do the kid any good to think they will never get hurt if their parents are constantly running interference from the normal kid things that happen when kids are playing.  

The problem as I see it is this: when all these kids go to school they won't know how to play with others without their parents doing their "hovering" thing.   I can envision it now as I sit here.  The kid will not be "happy" in school because they may not be able to create the same insulated environment their parents have given them since they took their first breaths.  The kids I see are all treated like Princes and Princesses, all of them.  It's like having all Chiefs and no Indians.  That, my friends is a disaster waiting to happen. 

In this country we have lots of boys and girls.  Not so in places like China.  There, the population of boy children far out weighs the number of girl children.  Now imagine a scenario, oh...about 25 years from now.   We in this country have lots of Princes and Princesses, but China?  They have an enormous number of single boy children who are all Princes, but they don't have the Princesses...Can you imagine what an anthropological, cultural nightmare scenario could happen.   Tons of virile men without the calming effect of females, or at least not enough of the females. 

Our Princes and Princesses think their lives will be wonderful, fulfilling and fantastic.  They will have expectations of grandeur and excellence.  The Chinese Princes will be looking for something to give them the same feelings of expectations of grandeur and excellence, but without the calming influence and feminine spirit of the Princesses.  I think this is a recipe for disaster.

I don't expect to be around when this disaster happens, but I predict it's going to be a doosie. The parents need to teach their kids how to survive in a world where everyone thinks their entitled to the best, the biggest, the brightest and the most and know that everyone else feels the same way.  The parents have to let their kids fail, fall, and fight with each other, so the kids are able to pick themselves up, brush off and get on with life.   Right now it's not happening around me. I only hope I'm living in an isolated area and others are not "hovering" so much. 

Invisibility...

Funny how things happen when you're least expecting them.  Husband, Larry was bemoaning the fact that as he's aged he's been observing how little he is expected to contribute to society, or at least how little other folks think he has to contribute.   If a question arises, it seems as though he's invisible to the folks around him.  They don't seek out his opinion or answer to whatever they're questioning.  

I had to laugh, that's what happens to women of a certain age, far younger than the male species.  Oh, it happens to them as well, but the males are quite a bit older than the females when they start to become "the invisible men". 

Women as they age change from the "young ladies" to "the Mom's" then there comes a time when they sort of vanish before the eyes of others only to reappear when they become "the Grannies".   No kidding, it really happens.  

As women we are tossed together into groups, seemingly all alike.  We aren't separated or individualized as a general rule.  We're "one of the girls", the "Mommy brigade", the "wives", the "ladies who do lunch", you know what I mean.  We aren't expected to be individuals per se.  I may be more sensitive to this in my observations but I see it all around me.  

The fact that Larry has noticed a change in his acceptance into society got me thinking about men and why they become "Grumps" as they age.  They're pissed off.  No longer are they the top banana in the bunch.  They too have lost their luster so to speak.   There is someone younger who's taken their place in society and they've become transparent.   I don't think they're as invisible as we women are but pretty close. 

See for yourself.  Go into a store where sales folks are there to wait on customers and observe how long it takes to get served.  If there are other people in the store, observe how long it takes for them to get served.  I'm betting you'll come to some pretty eye opening conclusions.   If you're wearing casual clothing I guarantee it will take longer than if you are dressed more formally.  If your hair is white/gray they won't see you unless you have pom poms and start doing a cheer.

Larry had the invisibility experience himself and was absolutely baffled by it.  It didn't occur to him that he may be a victim of "ageism".   I told him, "welcome to the world of the invisible".   It gets worse.

For women of a certain age, we start to realize the invisibility age can be an advantage.  We can walk around stores and places and listen to conversations and get all kinds of little tidbits of information we would normally never be privy to.  That's kind of nice.  We can also shop at our leisure, without being harasses by sales folks at every turn. 

I think for men it's more of a slap to their ego.  I don't know if they ever get to the point we women get to, where we accept the invisibility cloak when we want it, and raise a ruckus when we need to be heard and seen.  I think the man are wont to be stunned and walk away questioning why this has happened to them.

I had to explain to Larry his experience was every man's experience and of course every woman's as well.  We learn to live with it, and what the Hell if we don't, we won't have too long before it won't matter anyway....We're old.  

So if it hasn't happened to you yet, be aware and remember fore warned is fore armed....You'll get used to it, most of us do...

and another thing.....

It's hotter than Hell here and everyone is wiping sweat off their brows, complaining about the heat. Mind you, these are the same folks who complained about the snow, ice and cold a few months ago.  The problem is, we in Northern New York are not accustomed to hot, humid weather day after day.  A couple of days a summer and we can take it, but more than that and we tend to become a bunch of whining brats.

The grocery store is the place to see the most complaining. People linger by the freezer section making all kinds of excuses to stay there and not make a move to any other part of the store. Consequently you have traffic jams in the aisles.  The other shoppers have to wiggle around the people who are pretending to have a reason to stand with the doors of the freezer wide open.   I stood there watching one guy as he opened and shut the freezer at least three times... I could tell he was using the door as a fan.  I don't blame him, it was really hot, but I wondered how long he was going to be able to do that until someone from the store put a stop to it.  

I walked away from that little action and nearly ran over a lady in the aisle holding Ben and Jerry pints to the side of her head.  She looked like she was in ice cream heaven.   The other side of the aisle sat a younger woman with two bags of peas on top of her head.   It's hot, but it's not that bad, of course we have air conditioning and we're kind of spoiled. 

In years past, up here in Northern New York we were in the minority with our central air.  It really was a luxury to have air in the houses.  We seldom had prolonged heat and humidity.   We could get along with fans and open windows.  It's not that way now.  When it gets hot here, it stays hot for many days.

My gardens are overwhelmed with water.  In the Spring one of the big oak trees was struck (again) by lightning and it was time to chop it down.  The tree grew from a little acorn when we first moved in here in 1968.  We've watched the tree grow over the years.  It housed tire swings, hammocks, assorted climbing things and it was the climbing tree.   The mighty oak was over 30 feet high when it took it's fatal hit from above.  The hit could be felt in the house.  The sound was like a huge truck hitting a brick wall.  We knew that was the last hit the tree could take.

The tree removal guys came.  They looked the tree up and down and decided the best course of action to remove the tree was to climb up to the top, cut off the top, remove branches as they came down.  There was no way the tree could be dropped without the prep work. It was too big.

It was sad to see it go.  I stood at my back door and watched the guys de-frock the tree and leave a tall telephone like pole standing.  They took down the trunk in sections and as each part was falling to the ground my tears were falling on my cheeks.   It's sad to see something that's grown up as yo watched fall to the ground.   As each part fell memories flooded my thoughts about all the fun the kids in the neighborhood had with that tree.  

Now the tree is in small pieces in the carport.  It will continue to give us pleasure, but this time it will be with heat and ambiance as it burns in the fireplace.   I guess that's what life is about ...birth, death and rebirth...and that can mean anything you want it to mean...

The removal of the tree has opened up that part of the yard to the sun.  The result of the new sunny part of the yard is, I have tons of new plants popping their heads out of the ground.  The tree had been shading the herb garden, now the herb garden is going nuts with growth and  huge plants. Around the garden there are 10' high tiger lilies blooming and an assortment of other flowers that came from somewhere, I didn't plant them but they came anyway.  

So the sun and heat are not all that bad. The heat helps bring new life into the yards  The rain feeds all the flowers and plants.  We should have a bumper crop of veggies this year with all the rain and sun. We'll see.